Wednesday, November 12, 2008

How do you improve on perfection?

According to this article, someone is going to try. (h/t to Hale). Jaden FREAKING Smith? Are you KIDDING ME?

This could be a disaster of epic proportions. In case you have forgotten the genius of the original, check this out and then vainly try to A) NOT go around singing this song all day, and B) NOT kick the next guy you see in the face:

One of the most well-cast movies of all time:
Pat Morita - PERFECT. Wise, funny, mysterious, melancholy, and badass all wrapped up into one.

Ralph Macchio - Somehow was able to make you root for him and, at the same time, understand perfectly why people wanted to beat him bloody all the time. Now THAT is ACTING, my friends.

Elisabeth Shue - I was 10 years old when this movie came out, and I can honestly say that her character, Ali Mills, was probably my first true love. Scrumptious.

Billy Zabka - Come on. Has there ever been a more perfect villain than Johnny Lawrence?

And that's just the main characters. The entire Cobra Kai was perfect: "Get him a BODY BAG!!! YEAHHHH!!!" remains one of my most repeated movie lines to this day. I still say the most improbable part of the movie was when Daniel beats Dutch (the platinum blond dude). And John Kreese just personified evil.

So, again I ask: why mess with perfection?

UPDATE: Apparently Bill Simmons (ESPN'S The Sports Guy) agrees with me:

I'm a little torn because this flagrantly violates one of my Hollywood credos ("nobody should ever remake a movie that's still watchable and holds up"), only I'm the same guy who once wrote that, if we're remaking a movie everyone loved, it should only be remade with an all-black cast to make it a little different. The example I used was "Caddyshack," which bizarrely was remade as "Who's the Man?" with an all-black cast (starring Cedric The Entertainer) and it sucked. So let's dump that idea and stick with my Hollywood credo.

Here's the thing, Will Smith: Your movies have made something like $10 billion. We like you. We want to keep liking you. I just don't see the upside here. Everyone remembers the original "Karate Kid." It's on all the time. Everyone has seen it, and for kids of the '80s like myself, we've seen it 10 or 15 times. OK, 20. OK, 50. OK, I'm in the hundreds. For every male between the ages of 30 and 40 -- and by the way, we're the ones who would take our kids to see this stupid idea -- a "Karate Kid" remake is nothing short of a declaration of war. Really, is Hollywood that cooked? You're out of ideas to this degree? And beyond that, how do you think this makes Macchio feel? Or Zabka? Or Joe Esposito? If you're remaking a "Karate Kid" movie, remake "Kid II" -- that movie could have been good and instead sucked. Give that one another whirl. Or you could even do "Kid III" and delve into the homoerotic tension between Miyagi and Daniel-San a little more; maybe they could decide to get married and instead of the Crane Kick, your climactic scene would be their protest against Prop 8 on Santa Monica Boulevard in Hollywood. I don't care. But you can't remake the original "Kid." I can't allow it. The thought of Will Smith's kid feuding with Black Zabka on the soccer field as The Game's hip-hop remake of Bananarama's "Cruel Summer" blares in the background makes me want to kill someone. We can't let this happen.

1 comment:

Josh Grantham said...

This is a tragedy. What's next? Raging Bull starring Dane Cook? BOYCOTT! If Obama is going to spread the wealth, why not take this movie's budget?